In 2019, I was signed with a literary agent for a memoir I wrote called, “My Bipolar Mom.” I know it’s a jarring title. Don’t worry. My mom knows about the book. In fact, she read the first few chapters of the book before anyone else did. Since this 350 page memoir was about us, I felt she should approve of it before I sought to make it public. Believe it or not, she did. She said, “If this is how you heal, then you must put your book out.”
I was stunned my mom was okay with my seeking to publish this book. Literally, speechless. And then my mom followed up with one of her classical mom comments. “But I don’t want the paparazzi knocking at my door so don’t tell them where I live.” Errr nobody knows this book exists right now but you mom, but er…okay.
This wasn’t a pretty book. Memoirs never are, but this book is exactly what helped heal our relationship. The more chapters I shared with mom, the closer we became, and now I would consider myself great friends with my mother. Of course, it wasn’t always this way. It took years to get there, and this book was the binding glue that got us there. Call it what you want. My mom liked the attention. The book was quite funny at times. But I think it was the honesty that saved our relationship. “Hey mom, I love you more than life itself, but life wasn’t always easy together. Here’s why…”
Although this book is not out yet, being that it’s July, and national self-care month, I thought it would be appropriate to share an excerpt of the book that serves as a little reminder, not to forget to have fun in life. So, here we go.
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An excerpt from “My Bipolar Mom”
Sidenote: This is now a working title. My mom has not been diagnosed with having bipolar disorder. She has been diagnosed with a mental illness, but when I wrote the first draft of this book years ago, I was certain it was bipolar disorder. So in honor of the original manuscript title, behold an exert from the book.
My Mother’s College Advice
Being the daughter of a mother with a mental illness is hard because things never go as planned. Some kids wake up, and know for certain their mother will be standing in the kitchen, brewing a pot of coffee, preparing scrambled eggs and sourdough toast for breakfast. I wake up and have no idea what awaits me. Forget coffee and scrambled eggs. Will there be any food in the fridge?
And no mom, I’m not having Oreos and vanilla ice cream for breakfast. I don’t eat Oreos, and I can’t have dairy. I’ve told my mother this 1,000 times. Yet, she still believes Oreos have real nutritional value, and that I made up the term “lactose intolerant” for attention. I get this is an unusual group of words, but come on mom? Aside from whatever is NOT going down for breakfast in our house, there’s something else about living with my mentally ill mother.
I have no idea what she will say or do at any given moment.
My mother likes to keep most conversations to home decor, shopping, or other family members. Then there are the days she comes out of left field with a desire to talk about something else like the time she decided to grace me with her college advice.
I was 18-years-old, preparing for my freshman year of college, when mom said she wanted to share some college advice with me. I was giddy with excitement mom wanted to sit down and have a real, adult-like, conversation. I curled up on the couch ready to hear some inspirational, informative, motherly advice.
Instead, this is what she said…
“Sarah, remember the number one rule of college!”
“What’s that, mom?”
“Find a rich husband.”
“What?”
“If you don’t come home with a husband after college, you will never get married.”
“Why?”
“Nobody will want you then, and make sure to take lots of political science classes”
“I hate political science.”
“Doesn’t matter. You’re there to find a man. You’ll find lots of good lawyers in a political science classes.”
“Moooom.”
“I’m serious Sarah, and don’t study so much like you do. Remember men don’t like smart women.”
“Then I guess men won’t like me.”
“Sarah, stop that. I mean it. Now sit up, and start acting like a lady. Men like ladies.”
“Mom, is this my big college advice?”
“I’m not done yet. Remember to drink lots of beer.”
“I’m 18.”
“So? Never pass up on a free beer.”
“And if I get caught?”
“You won’t. Knoxville is full of beer drinkers. Police love party girls.”
“Oh my gosh.”
“And kegs! Never pass up a keg.”
“Why?”
“It’s free. And you’ll never get free beer after college again.”
“Oh my.”
“And if you get hungry-“
“-Make a sandwich?”
“No. Go to a tailgate. You’ll get lots of free food that way. Drunk people love to share.”
“Why not make a sandwich?”
“Save your money, and take the free food. Tailgates have way better food anyway.”
“Good grief.”
“And another thing!”
“Yes?
“Go to live music every chance you get because you’ll probably never get to do it again.”
“Mom, you sound like life will suck after college?”
“It will, honey.”
“Now listen up! I’m not done. Aways have a drink in hand.”
“Why?”
“Keeps the creeps away.”
“Anything else I should know?”
“Yes, never leave the house without perfume in your purse.”
“Why are you laughing?”
“Because you never know where you’ll end up sleeping after a game day.”
“Mom!”
“It’s true.”
“And Sarah.”
“What?”
“Never forget the unspoken rule of college, the most important one of all.”
“What’s that?”
“Find a rich husband.”
If I had set out to fulfill mom’s advice like the good daughter I should have been I would have been a dumb, fat, married drunk by now. Being the bad daughter that I was, I decided not to follow through with any of her advice. Yet, I did learn a great deal about my mother that day. I learned at one point in mom’s life she was so far from depressed that she remembered how to have fun.
Even if it was a wild sort of fun with a keg, free beer, and live music, she never forgot the delightful feeling that came when you walked out of the house with one intention – to enjoy life.This meant, there was a time in her life when she wasn’t so afraid of living. Although her college advice was a bit outlandish, it gave me hope that one day mom could learn how to live again.
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So, happy national self-care month! I hope you enjoy this month and my mother’s well…very unique college advice. Yes, it’s certainly not the most practical self-care advice, but if there’s anything found in this story, it’s the little life reminder not to forget to have some fun in life.
